Mystical Wonders Discussion Group

scytro · Joined: 08 Feb 2005 Posts: 19

I read this post and please forgive me if I am posting this in the wrong place or something, I may post it on its own as well but I have wondered for a while now if I might not be harboring some kind of lesser demon. I have thoughts that I do not like, that do not seem to be mine. I am always having these thoughts and impulses that are dark, uncool. I feel like there is no future for me, forgive me for being a Harry Potter fan (despite the fact that I'm 2 Cool

, but if dementors were real I would swear I have one breathing down my neck.

I have had the very strange, incredibly realistic dream once when I was staying at my cousin's house, I was laying on the ground, it was a beautiful blue sky and I felt amazing, like really good. As I lay there I noticed a menacing smallish black cloud looming into view very quickly, the very sight of the cloud caused utter dread and fear, and as I watched the cloud suddenly came into me, it seemed to enter through my mouth, I felt it, very clearly shooting into me, into my chest, and once the horrible manifestation had completely been absorbed into my dream self, I awoke with a ridiculous start, scared out of my wits. I felt horrible, as if what had just happened in the dream had been real and I had truly been violated by some horrible thing. On reflection it is almost like something may have been reaffirming its hold on me or may have sensed that I was seeking help and decided to take its little charade to the next level.

The dream did not really seem significant as I was already having these feelings, thoughts, problems to an extent, until I was thinking about it just now after reading this post, see I had just opened up to my cousin about my life and how I felt like I was going nowhere fast, my cousin is a spiritual man and he agreed to help me, and he might have been able to do it. I have since broken off communication with my cousin and really everybody.

I am very rarely happy, indeed I feel that I cannot or should not allow myself to be happy, I am becoming bitter, I anger easily, all these things that you have touched upon in ypur post, which is what prompted me to post this response. For some reason I am almost scared out of my wits just posting this, I feel like I should not post it and such.

I hope maybe someone will read this who can help me determine if this is really what is going on or if I am just naturally unhappy and borderline psychotic. I have never hurt anyone but myself, but I have like this little voice in my head constantly telling me to hurt myself and more, I very rarely give in but lately it seems like it is getting stronger, or maybe I am getting weaker. Which is not to say that I am on the verge of doing anything drastic or anything like that, but I do have this constant voice telling me to do so.

I fear that maybe I have said too much? If you may be able to help in any way, let me know.

oAnubiso · Joined: 24 Jan 2008 Posts: 2

I suffer from the same thing and I will tell you I turn 20 in a week or so and we have both come to be burnt by the same curse anyway there is unfortunantly no straight advice rather just exersize of the spirit and of the flesh.

You cannont get lazy and trust me I get lazy too but I feel we both have a great potential for the greastest of goods or the greatest of evils and that darkness is a reflection of how evil we could become if we get too weak and give up.

I feel this is true for both of us because of age, level of detailed description and symptoms so brother please remain strong and know that you could have an amazing life with bright blue skys if you suceed but if you fail darkness will be more abundant than the light.

May you be blessed by the supreme love and truth of the cosmos.

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