Somnus
Joined: 27 Feb 2011
Posts: 4
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 Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 9:37 am Post subject: Dreams contradicting my focus
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For the last weeks I've been using visualization and some techniques I've learned and adapted from Chaos Magick (Writting affirmations with mixed letters/words , drawing a person that I identified as being me and coloring it like for example pink around me to symbolize charisma and personal magnetism, yellow in the belly for the feeling of joy and happiness, blue in the head for intelligence and wisdom, etc..) and Amargi Hiller to focus on my goals.
My goals are pretty simple and good intentioned IMO:
-I want to befriend a certain group of people in my university/become more confident and open emotionally
-I want to become better with women, I'm not trying to focus on only one girl because I don't want to become obsessed with a single person (What happened in the Amargi Hiller thread IMO made people more obsessed with a single individual rather than giving them freedom and love).
-Have higher grades.
So this is what I've been doing :
Visualizing:
-Myself having a blast and tons of fun with the people I want to befriend.(I focus in the auditory and visual experience, I hear the laughs and see people laughing with me)
-Having a "harmless/fun/sexual" friendship with some girls I know(without any serious romantic attachment from both parts) and imagine myself attracting tons of girls: being approached, having some girls saying their friend wants to know me , some girls flirting with me etc...(I focus in the touch, the voice tonality of the girls, the smell and the visual experience)
-Feeling great about having good grades, feeling in control of the subjects, hear the praise of teachers and friends and see the posted results of the exams.
And actually yesterday I was in class and I was alone wen it was required to everyone be in groups of 2, and everyone already had someone except for me. I talked to the teacher and everyone (most of the people I visualized being friends with) started inviting me to their groups, finally I ended up with one of the groups and we got along very well.
Now the reason I made this thread is this:
After the class ended I went home and all these negative thoughts began surfacing. Thoughts like: "They were just being nice because they were all together but individually they don't like me" , "Was I weird ?", "Was I cold ?", "They must think I'm a creep for being alone", "They must think I'm uninteresting", etc etc...
So instead of trying to respond to these thoughts, I decided to relax, hear some music and focus on my visualizations, and quickly these negative thoughts disappeared.
Before going to bed I concluded all those negative thoughts I had were related to the fear of what others think, so after I decided to do something about that fear today I fell asleep.
And I had a dream that made m feel like c*** since I've waken up. It's as if the negative feelings I ignored came back in my dreams. In my dream I was alone in a restaurant while everyone I've wanted to meet and my close friends included sat in another big table talking and having a lot of fun. Everytime anyone passed near me they ignored me and I could hear the thoughts ("He's so weird", "He's a creep", "he's delusional" etc...) and the my parents appeared and treated me like a kid and "tempted" me to go back home and shut myself and become their "dependent-child" again.
The "funny" thing is that the restaurant scene already happened once some years ago, I wasn't alone I was with other friends but practically we were in a table alone while the majority was together in a big table having fun while we were just agonizing for being left out.
The dream(more like nightmare) managed to ruin the positive mood I've been creating by bringing back a negative situation that actually happened and making it even worse. Is there any meaning in this dream ? Is my subconscious just trying to fight the unfounded positivity I've been training ? Or am I doing something wrong ?
Sorry for the tl;dr but I feel that I should express the whole situation...help please ?
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